IF CHILDREN LIVE WITH HOSTILITY,
THEY LEARN TO FIGHT.
It's important to show our children that anger is not an enemy to resist, but an energy to take charge of creatively.
Build your kids us - every chance you get - rather than putting them down. They'll fell better about themselves, and so will you.
Hostility pits children on the defensive. Instead of yelling at them, help them to relax and take a second look at what happened.
If we see our child being too rough with siblings or other kids, we need to make a special effort to understand the situation. Try asking what's going on instead of only prohibiting the unacceptable behavior.
Don't let anger build. Take care of small aggravations before they grow into something big.
If you notice your child having an automatic response of anger, talk it over and ask him if he can find three other ways to feel about the person or situation at hand.
Anger is only one response on our emotional menu. A steady diet of getting angry limits us, creating high levels of tension and blocking communications within the family.
Learning to recognize when we are becoming upset is very important. Anger and hostility build from small irritations and frustrations that are pushed aside or ignored.
Take the time to visualize how you want to see your children relating to one another. Then help them do so by paying attention to what is going on and guiding them through the inevitable ups and downs of each day.
Anger is not a problem solver. It's a problem generator.
We need to accept the fact that our children have the right to feel all their feelings, including anger. It's our job as parents to help them learn how to handle these feelings.
Rather than giving in to our anger, we can listen to our children and try to understand their points of view. It's important to remember we're on the same side - their side!
As we learn how to direct our own emotional responses, it becomes easier to remain in charge of hostile feelings. This is the model we want to present to our children.
In a tense situation, asking ourselves, "How else could I handle this?" before responding or reacting helps to open up a wider range of options.
Our children are likely to face some hostility or aggression in their schools or neighborhoods. We want them to learn how to handle such situations without escalating them.
There will be times when our children will get really angry with us. We need to listen to them carefully and, if needed, apologize for any mistakes we've made.
Remember that our children are watching the way we handle disagreements and disappointments in our relationships. We want to give them an example of effective communication and resolution of our differences.
Frustration builds more easily when parents and children are tired and hungry. Plan meals and nap times carefully, and try to maintain them as best you can.
Our children can teach us a lot about how to forgive and let go of anger and hurt. Often they get over arguments more quickly than we do.
When hostility takes over, our reactions can easily escalate beyond what we originally intended. Sometimes parents need a "time-out" too - a few minutes to calm down and pull themselves together.
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