Children Learn What They Live #11

~ by Dorothy Law Nolte ~

IF CHILDREN LIVE WITH ACCEPTANCE,
THEY LEARN TO LOVE.


We want our children to strive toward goals and achievements – but not to feel they have to work for the fundamental right to be accepted and loved by us.

Accepting your child's inner being is part of loving her unconditionally. This doesn't mean we have to accept everything our children do. We can, and should, still set limits.

The way Mom and Dad treat each other and show how they care for one another can provide a powerful model of acceptance and love in family life.

Love is the soil in which our children grow, the sunlight that determines their direction, and the water that nourishes their growth.

The ability to give and to receive love is a measure of our own health and well-being – it is contagious.

Children who are surrounded with the warmth, caring, acceptance, and love they need learn how to love themselves and others.

Children learn the most basic message about love – that they are wanted and accepted – in their families.

When we respect and support one another in our marriage and in our family, treating each other with warmth and affection, we give our children a model for how to build and sustain a happy life.

We want our children to feel loved, no matter what. They need to know they don't need to do or be anything special to earn our love.

The need to be touched is perhaps one of the most fundamental, universal, and powerful needs in our lives – as important for the newborn baby as it is for his grandparents.

To be accepted by others, your child has to learn to fit in, follow the rules, and be accepting and friendly. He can learn all that in the family first, and it’s your responsibility to make sure that he does.

While children need to be told they are loved, they also need to be assured through hugs, kisses, gentle pats, and snuggling that the words we speak are real.

The example parents give their children through their everyday interactions with each other becomes a template – for better or for worse – for the relationships they will have when they marry.

It may be impossible for us to fully express all the love we feel in our hearts for our children. But do try – your children need to hear these words, over and over again.

Even when you reject his behavior, make sure you accept the child. You can make this distinction very clear to him by saying, for example, "Hitting is not okay, even when you’re very angry. Let’s find another way to solve this problem."

All kids need hugs, pats, squeezes, and kisses. For the very young, these expressions of our love make it real for them.

Your acceptance and love will give you child the certainty and confidence she needs as she enters the larger world, beyond the family.

We want to fill our children up with enough love to sustain them throughout their lives.

Children who are secure about being accepted and loved have the inner strength they need to pursue their goals and to extend themselves to others.

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