Children Learn What They Live #15

~ by Dorothy Law Nolte ~


Encouraging honesty in your family means demonstrating your own willingness to be accountable – to be able to say "I was wrong" and make amends.

Above all, our children need to learn to be honest with themselves. The peace of mind that comes from this knowledge is a great gift.

Teach your kids that honesty means "no addition, subtraction, or multiplication" of the story-it means just simply saying what happened.

We need to be forgiving of a small child who blurts our, "Your hair looks yucky!" She will learn the finer points of expressing her opinions in delicate situations by our example and explanations of kindness toward the feelings of others.

We need to leave room for our children to explore and express their imaginations, while teaching them to know the difference between telling stories and telling lies.

Our children need our support and encouragement to face unpleasant consequences, and to report truthfully in word and deed. Learning to see cause and effect is a lifelong experience.

Our children will be very quick to notice any discrepancies in the stories we tell them. Be careful about the example you set for them: if you don't, it will surely come back to haunt you.

Encourage your child to accurately tell you what happened on relatively small and unimportant matters. This prepares him to keep you in the loop when it comes to the bigger issues.

We need to find new ways to develop closeness with our teenagers, much different from when they were small children. Despite their growing independence, they need to know they can trust us with any of their problems or questions.

The child who deliberately withholds the truth may need help in expressing his thoughts and feelings. Give him plenty of room, and the help he needs, to say what's on his mind.

Most of us underestimate our children's ability to understand difficult issues, like sex and death. Though these matters may be challenging for us to talk about, we need to do so in ways that take into consideration the child's age and level of maturity.

Sometimes we thin we're protecting our children by shielding them from the whole truth. Usually they know when something's wrong, and they are far better off with an honest explanation.

Even as parents we know how tempting it can be to add or subtract key information from an explanation. Understand the difficulty, and give your child plenty of room to tell the truth.

When you ask your child to explain "what happened," remember that the way your child feels about what happened is also part of the story that needs to be told.

Our children need to be praised and thanked for telling the truth, especially when they have done wrong. Also, the consequences that follow should take into account the fact that they were honest with us.

There's nothing to be gained by putting your child on the witness stand and playing attorney to get at the truth. It's easier, and more effective, to just ask to heat the story of what happened.

When a child is in a difficult situation, we need him to feel free to be honest and truthful with us, so that we can help him. If he is accustomed to being treated with respect and consideration, he will be more likely to turn to us when he needs help.

Teenagers need some privacy in their lives in order to separate from their parents. Withholding certain things from us is not the same as lying. We need to learn to respect their need to become independent.

All children lie to their parents at one time or another. Find gentle but firm ways to insist on knowing the truth, so they'll know you're not the enemy.

Children Learn What They Live #14

~ by Dorothy Law Nolte ~


Generosity is a spontaneous response to someone's need. It may involve sacrifice or inconvenience, but we don't set it as a loss. Surely, this describes a major aspect of what we do as parents.

True generosity implies an openhearted willingness to give freely, without thought of personal gain or reward.

As parents, we can get bogged down in day-to-day business. We need to keep a long-range perspective on how quickly our children will grow up. We want to be there for them as much as we possibly can.

Deliberately withholding time and energy from our children can create feelings of distress. We need to be there for them.

Our children need us just as much when they are teenagers as they did when they were toddlers, though in a very different ways. Sharing our time with our children means we need to be flexible and adjust our schedules as their needs change and evolve.

Very young children are not developmentally ready to share. They certainly don't want to share their favorite blankets or stuffed animals, and they shouldn't be asked to do so.

Even if it's only a bit of food or toy, when a small child spontaneously reaches out, saying "Here," she is showing true generosity.

We can share more than just material things. We can also share our patience, understanding, help, friendship, closeness, and affection with others.

The best kind of giving is giving with no strings attached. Be careful not to give your child the impression that gifts are always rewards. Help him understand that there is pleasure in the pure act of giving.

Help your child understand that giving while expecting to get something in return is not real sharing.

When a new baby arrives, the other children have to share their parents and their home with a tiny, extremely demanding stranger. It's important to give them extra attention and support at this time.

Taking turns is a form of sharing with playmates and one of the hardest lessons for preschoolers to learn. Our patient persistence in guiding them is important.

True generosity means reaching out, free of conditions and qualifications, and giving openly and freely.

When our children start appreciating and complimenting us on what we've given them, we can rest assured that they're on their way to understanding what generosity truly is.

The child who is unable to share will have fewer friends. It's in our children's best interest that we help them develop the ability to share.

We would be wise to spend generous amounts of times with our children from the very beginning. This is easier said than done, but if we wait too long we may miss our children's growing up altogether.

If it is genuine, sharing needs to come from within the child. Forced sharing is not really sharing.

Eating together family-style is a wonderful, warm experience. And cheerfully setting an extra place for an unexpected guest offers a valuable lesson in sharing.

Being generous with our children is not just about sharing things. It's about sharing our time, energy, interest, and attention – about sharing ourselves.

15 Things

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About
  1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
  2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
  3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
  4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
  5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
  6. You mean the world to someone.
  7. If not for you, someone may not be living.
  8. You are special and unique.
  9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
  10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
  11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
  12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.
  13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
  14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.
  15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

A Minute: They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Take the time... to live and love.

The fourth finger

Why must we wear the ring on the fourth finger... Please follow the steps and you will know. First, do as the photo shown below.

Try to separate your thumbs. Thumb represent parent, they will leave you someday, hence the thumbs can be separated.

Close your thumbs and try to separate your index fingers. Index fingers represent siblings, they will leave you someday when they have their own family, hence index fingers can be separated.

Close your index fingers and try to separate your little fingers. Little fingers represent children, they will leave you someday when they have grown up, hence little fingers can be separated.

Now close your little fingers and try to separate your fourth fingers. You will realize that you cannot separate them, because they represent the marriage of husband and wife.

Children Learn What They Live #13

~ by Dorothy Law Nolte ~


Setting goals and reaching them is good preparation for life. We can help our children set realistic goals and encourage them to keep after them until they achieve them.

Stay in touch with a slow starter. Is he afraid of failure, in need of additional support, comparing himself to others unfavorable? Or is he just a child who needs more time to enter into his experiences than others do?

The push to succeed can be just as stressful as the fear of failure. Encourage your child to put forth her very best, and yet be relaxed about the outcome.

We need to make sure our children don't get overly caught up in seeking recognition for their achievements. A sense of fulfillments in the task itself and feelings of genuine accomplishment are vital, too.

When a child is jealous or resentful of another's recognition, dismissing her feelings abruptly will not help. Take the time to talk it over with her and help her understand her inner feelings.

Our kids are continually doing new things in new ways, discovering what works best. That's what learning is all about! Leave them plenty of room to explore the world in their own way, even when it's inconvenient for you.

Sometimes our children really think they can do everything. They may need our help in sorting through their options as well as in making realistic choices.

Children need to learn that most goals in life are achieved through cooperation. Working with others, sharing recognition with others, and helping others are all important learning experiences.

Notice when your child helps out around the house, and thank him for it. No matter how small the job, this is his contribution to the family.

Learning how to manage money is an essential skill for growing up. Recognize your child for even the smallest wise decisions about handling money.

We want our children to know that the inner feeling of accomplishment is fulfilling a goal can be as satisfying as outer recognition. We can help them learn this distinction by highlighting their inner experience.

Working toward a goal provides important lesions for growing up. It teaches realistic planning, problem solving and perseverance. Be sure to give your children plenty of opportunities to work toward their goals.

The child's first attempts at goal setting begin with play. Building blocks and other creative toys are good tools for learning to set goals.

We want to remind ourselves to take the time to pause in our busy lives so we can recognize our children by seeing them anew – in the moment, just being themselves. Every single day of our lives offers opportunities to do so, if we are willing.

The best way to increase the chance of success is by setting realistic expectations. Help your child choose age-appropriate goals.

Acknowledging children for giving and doing their best regardless of the outcome contributes to the building of integrity, even in the very young.

"Watch me! Watch me!" is a frequent refrain of little children. Older children are crying out for our attention too, although in a very different ways. No matter what age our children age, they need to have their accomplishments, large and small, noticed.

Eventually, older children come to realize how much hard work goes into a project. Once they’ve made this connection, recognition and accomplishment take on a deeper meaning.

Help your child with school project, but be sure not to take over. You are important resource and guide, especially when your child is frustrated or discouraged. Your presence does make a difference.

The Scars of Life

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went.

He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.

His father working in the yard saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could.
Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a u-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.

From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.

Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved

The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter! "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go."

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.

The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.

Never judge another person's scars, because you don't know how they got them. Also, it is soooo important that we are not selfish - to receive the blessings of these messages, without forwarding them to someone else.

Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and you love them, too - enough to not let them go.